Clint Flicks Media Empire

Brėss

Like most of the species to have appeared from beyond the rim of known space, BRËSS began his musical career in a stasis chamber on the fourth moon of the planet Gastrolax IV. From there, beings of unusual musical empathy are frequently captured and incarcerated by the Snard, a race of ectoplasmic spaceborne jellyfish whose tentacles are considered to be the best guitar strings available in the galaxy.

BRËSS spent his first formative 2 millenia under the tuition of the musical Snard, who feed on the incorrect notes of their captives; but as his playing got better he became less useful to the aliens as a food resource, and was promptly hurled 70,000 light years to the distant world of Tattooine, where he met up with his first manager, Jabba the Hutt, who organised some gigs at the palace. There he created his seminal work "Disco Inferno", a 5-6 minute masterpiece that was widely plagiarised by semi-intelligent* beings throughout the quadrant, thus beginning the first interstellar war to be fought over copyright laws. This bloody conflict, primarily against the tone-deaf Farnhamites of the planet Ozrock, lasted 7.5 cosmic cycles and saw the loss of over three hundred of Jabba's best Tiberian junket-ships. The war was finally brought to a conclusion by BRËSS, and his brilliant research into the use of the "brown note" against alien species**.

It was not until BRËSS experienced his 14th metamorpic phase that his music began to reach Earth. Indeed, it took several years of experimentation just to enable the music of BRËSS to travel trough an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere. But it was all worth it, for the people of Earth welcomed him with open arms, and were rewarded with his fresh new sound, not least the ingenious move of taking the elaborate operatic wailings of the Janos VII Hornbeast and mixing it with 80's rap. The music of BRËSS has now developed a large fan base on Earth, particularly with dogs, cows, chickens, and other beings capable of hearing the appropriate audio spectrum, but some humans with peculiar tastes (or peculiar ears) have been known to like it too. Keen astronomers are often treated to the sight of BRËSS recording in his lavish studio-spacecruiser parked behind the sun's corona, where he enjoys exemption from the harsh taxation laws of the planet Gastrolax IV.

The latest work of BRËSS, entitled They're Already Here, is an intensely psychoactive mix of traditional alien ballads with the newer, Earthling-rock influence, and can be found in good holodecks everywhere. One track, Rocks and Sand, is included in the documentary The PhanDom Menace, as a tribute to his former manager on Tattooine, now suffering from terminal indigestion.

* Less than three brains.

** This tactic was particularly devastating against the hideous Farnhamites, who possess up to five arseholes at adult stage, one of which they sing through.

DISCOGRAPHY
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ANTICHRISTMAS (2003)

1. Intro (0:49)
2. Hark the Herald Angels Sing (0:56)
3. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (0:45)
4. The First Five Days of Christmas (1:09)
5. Deck the Halls (1:34)
6. Silent Night (2:04)
7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (1:18)
8. The Next Few Days of Christmas (1:26)
9. The Little Drummer Boy (2:02)
10. Ding Dong Merrily on High (1:08)
11. The End of Christmas (1:03)
12. Jingle Bells (5:39)

Noises from The PhanDom Menace
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NOISES FROM "THE PHANDOM MENACE" (2002)

2. Rocks and Sand (4:55)

Also featuring tracks by e-Wok, Phonophobic, 1999, Beef Beef Viola and Plastic Spacemen.

Bress - They're Already Here
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THEY'RE ALREADY HERE (2000)

1. Demon Planet
2. Interphasic Compensator
3. The Search for a Normal Human
4. Signal from the Dead Zone
5. Machine
6. The Coosbainians
7. Sextraterrestrial
8. N2O Language
9. Spiral Orbit
10. Rocks and Sand
11. Sentience
12. Perpetual Motion
13. Signal from the Dead Zone (reprise)
14. Last Ten Seconds of Air
15. Faster Than Light
16. Planet Earth

<more music...>